I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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