No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
