...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
