I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
