I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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