I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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