marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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