I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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