got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
