So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
