did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize