You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
