Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
