Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
