also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
