Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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