I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
