It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I party with great urgency now.
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