My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She said her name was "party"
I puked a lego.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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