Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
