3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
