I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
