1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
