tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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