I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
