i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
