The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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