I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
