He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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