it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
