she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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