Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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