Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
