I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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