My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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