he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
