I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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