i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My feet surprised me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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