i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Life is so much better after having sex.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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