I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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