It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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