Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
