as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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