I'm pants shitting drunk right now
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
