I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
