I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
