sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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