So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
