woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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