i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
