gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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