when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
