Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
