I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
