Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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