he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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