Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
