from now on my penis is your penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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