he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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