OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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