I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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