I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
