I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
