i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
