no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
