Tell her she can't have a vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
