I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
